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Harrison Center First Friday Opening

Jun. 29th, 2009 | 02:42 am

Stars and Stripes or Whatever. 03 July 2009. 6pm. Harrison Center. 1505 N Delaware - Indianapolis, IN. With work by Jenny Ollikainen, Diego Yanto, Jeff Geesa, Audra McClelland (Hank and Dolly Gallery) - Indianapolis Craft Mafia (Main Gallery) - Jill Marie Mason, Scott Grow, Kipp Normand and NERS (Annex). Expect laid-back summer BBQ party with sparklers, sprinklers, fractured acoustic music by The No-Ops, and grilling under the stars.

Poster design by Crystal Thomas and Adam Wollenberg.

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(no subject)

Jun. 19th, 2009 | 03:09 am

i'm starting to feel those old ways creep back up on me man
it's gettin crazy up there man
slippin 'round the corner
eyes glazed over
then those silent addictions just take over man

night terrors are on the rise again
the unconscious is so much more appealing than the conscious and im fighting any reason to get out of bed...in the mid afternoons.
i've sold practically everything that i own.
and all i'm left with are the things that i need to create....what little material i have yet to use.
my selection of clothes is getting thinner and thinner.
all of my pretty things are gone.
i can barely stand to look in the mirror anymore.
someone buy my artwork.
i wish my parents gave a shit.

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shit man

Jun. 16th, 2009 | 05:36 pm

when i look into your eyes its like staring into a deep endless abyss and i cant help but feel the need to submerge myself in it
as though all i need is to grasp any kind of understanding that i can in order to feel, even in the least bit, a piece of the whole
its a need that i can not explain, even to myself
its an unknown field of the infinite
its a constant changing puzzle that i cant wrap my mind around
the overwhelming that i cant consume
an abyss of knowledge, thoughts, ideas, so on and so on
i have a lust to know....
to explore
in the darkness of your mind

i trade my addictions for new addictions
bad habits for bad habits
its an endless cycle
and for what it is worth i can never reach a happy ground
because my mind is a battle field
it never rests
it never settles
and im beginning to realize that it will continue that way to the end, as it has since the beginning

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maybe its the entire bottle of wine i just consumed by myself....

May. 30th, 2009 | 01:28 am
mood: drunkdrunk

but god fucking damn it i have to get this off my chest.

[post script: its that time, that place, those memories i have that keep finding a way into my head. multiplied. but dont let this get to your head because it is most likely not about you.]

i keep coming back to this and i wish i knew the reason why but i dont.
as if i could find a way to keep myself from it and just remain....happy.
i push myself into solitude. again...and again.
its the alcohol keeping me in line.
even if you find that hard to believe.

he makes me happy...most of the time.
but i shouldnt rely on that.
he drains me.
some of the time.
but i shouldnt let that push me away.

wheres the happy medium that ive heard so much about.
leave. stay. leave. stay. leave.
and then come back because im indecisive.

i put myself in the position
i chose the best option...in that moment...
and now it feels....inadequate.

and i dont know if i should make a hasty change
or if my fucking hormones are to blame and i should just coast on through until next week....
next month....
next fall, winter, spring....


its that mental melt down ive been warning myself about. again.

"i've never felt so detached from myself.
i'm falling apart.

it's worse than before.

i struggle to keep those thoughts off my mind.
but my eyes are glazed over like a silent drug addiction.

& all i want is something to feel."

im counting on the fact that he will never read this because my mind is overwhelming and i cant say these things out loud.

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Life...or something like it

May. 4th, 2009 | 03:04 pm

Latest inspiration:
Yellena James - there is something in her work that i just get lost in. Her line work and pattern is just beautiful.

I made between $70 - $80 at the Herron print/ceramics sale Friday. That's pretty tight.

On a less happy note my living situation is shitty right now. My best friend/roommate had some shit go down with her car and she has to move back in with her parents so she can get it fixed. To be honest I think there is more to it than that...how ironic that she finds out on wednesday that its $1000 to get her car fixed and rent is due on friday. but whatever man. thats strike two for her. she is selfish. i have tried so hard to help her...and she has done nothing...ever...to help me. yea sure it would be different if she were in school and/or had a really important job.
she isnt in school...and she is a babysitter.
whatever. its off my chest and im done with it.

My lease is up in August and I already have a new roommate lined up - a fellow sculpture major and possibly her current roommate as well. So that is definitely something to look forward to.
Only problem now is that my work study job at the sculpture building is over May 9th. (A few days away)
And since I just found out they don't use work study shop assistants over summer...I don't have anything lined up...nor have I been looking.

So I've packed most of my shit and I'm temporarily shacked up with Adam. (shacked up sounds hilarious)
I can not say that I like this. I'm only doing it so I can have the electric shut off in my apartment to save money.
Adam isn't allowed to have pets in his house so my precious cat is all alone there until I make other arrangements for her. It breaks my heart to have to leave her there. Shes like my kid man.

Sometimes life isn't fair. And I accepted that a long time ago...but shit man.

I guess its all in the job description though - fine artist.....isnt exactly as fine as you would think. HA

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Apr. 6th, 2009 | 08:31 pm

I coming to find how much I really dislike Herron School of Art...and most of the students...some of the teachers...
Maybe they just aren't ready for my ideas...I don't know but it pisses me off SO BAD when I begin a new project and get shut down because it's not the right size or doesn't fit the assignment to a damn T.


fuck that for sure....

I am trying my best to just grin and bear it but fuck man....fuckin life will sometimes laugh and kick you in the ass....

on another note

I'm working on a print about the "designer baby" epidemic...
the new branch of genetically modifying...

The piece is approx. 24x36 give or take...printed on 1/2in birch...
i have simplified the idea to focus on one aspect of preimplantation genetic diagnosis (eye color)
it's fucking insane man.

I'm titling it = GMO

I have plans to do a series with each piece focusing one aspect...it is exciting.

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Mar. 27th, 2009 | 03:56 pm

man i just sit around...smoke whatever...listen to whatever...chill out...make sure no one cuts their fingers off in the wood shop...or catch themselves on fire in the metal shop and thats about it man.


i think theres going to be a trip to chicago for wavves soon. tight!

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(no subject)

Mar. 10th, 2009 | 04:42 am

it was in all the things that we thought we had but we never "really" had at all

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just let it happen man

Feb. 23rd, 2009 | 04:11 am


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kill yourself with aspartame!!! YAY!!

Feb. 23rd, 2009 | 04:10 am

Aspartame was not approved until 1981, in dry foods. For over eight years, the FDA refused to approve it because of the seizures and brain tumors this drug produced in lab animals. The FDA continued to refuse to approve it until President Reagan took office (a friend of Searle) and fired the FDA Commissioner who wouldn’t approve it. Dr. Arthur Hull Hayes was appointed as commissioner. Even then, there was so much opposition to approval, that a Board of Inquiry was set up. The Board said: “Do not approve aspartame.” Dr. Hayes OVERRULED his own Board of Inquiry.

Shortly after Commissioner Arthur Hull Hayes, Jr., approved the use of aspartame in carbonated beverages, he left for a position with G.D. Searle’s Public Relations firm.

Long-term Damage
It [aspartame] appears to cause slow, silent damage in those unfortunate enough to not have immediate reactions and a reason to avoid it. It may take one year, five years, 10 years, or 40 years, but it seems to cause some reversible and some irreversible changes in health over long-term use.

Methanol [AKA wood alcohol/poison, 10% of aspartame]
Methanol/wood alcohol is a deadly poison. People may recall that methanol was the poison that has caused some “skid row” alcoholics to end up blind or dead. Methanol is gradually released in the small intestine when the methyl group of aspartame encounter the enzyme chymotrypsin.

The absorption of methanol into the body is sped up considerably when free methanol is ingested. Free methanol is created from aspartame when it is heated to above 86 Fahrenheit (30 Centigrade). This would occur when aspartame-containing product is improperly stored or when it is heated (e.g., as part of a “food” product such as Jello). Methanol breaks down into formic acid and formaldehyde in the body. Formaldehyde is a deadly neurotoxin. An EPA assessment of methanol states that methanol “is considered a cumulative poison due to the low rate of excretion once it is absorbed. In the body, methanol is oxidized to formaldehyde and formic acid; both of these metabolites are toxic.” The recommend a limit of consumption of 7.8 mg/day. A one-liter (approx. 1 quart) aspartame-sweetened beverage contains about 56 mg of methanol. Heavy users of aspartame-containing products consume as much as 250 mg of methanol daily or 32 times the EPA limit.

The most well known problems from methanol poisoning are vision problems. Formaldehyde is a known carcinogen, causes retinal damage, interferes with DNA replication, and causes birth defects. Due to the lack of a couple of key enzymes, humans are many times more sensitive to the toxic effects of methanol than animals. Therefore, tests of aspartame or methanol on animals do not accurately reflect the danger for humans. As pointed out by Dr Woodrow C. Monte, Director of the Food Science and Nutrition Laboratory at Arizona State University, “There are no human or mammalian studies to evaluate the possible mutagenic, teratogenic, or carcinogenic effects of chronic administration of methyl alcohol.”

It has been pointed out that fruit juices and alcoholic beverages contain small amounts of methanol. It is important to remember, that the methanol in natural products never appears alone. In every case, ethanol is present, usually in much higher amounts. Ethanol is an antidote for methanol toxicity in humans. The troops of Desert Storm were “treated” to large amounts of aspartame-sweetened beverages which had been heated to over 86 degrees F. in the Saudi Arabian sun. Many of them returned home with numerous disorders similar to what has been seen in persons who have been chemically poisoned by formaldehyde. The free methanol in the beverages may have been a contributing factor in these illnesses. Other breakdown products of aspartame such as DKP, may also have been a factor.

In a 1993 act that can only be described as “unconscionable,” the FDA approved aspartame as an ingredient in numerous food items that would always be heated to above 86?degrees F (30 Degrees C). Much worse, on 27 June 1996, without public notice, the FDA removed all restrictions from aspartame allowing it to be used in everything, including all heated and baked goods.

The truth about aspartame’s toxicity is far different than what the NutraSweet Company would have you readers believe. In February of 1994, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services released the listing of adverse reactions reported to the FDA (DHHS 1994). Aspartame accounted for more than 75% of all adverse reactions reported to the FDA’s Adverse Reaction Monitoring System (ARMS). By the FDA’s own admission fewer then ONE PERCENT of those who have problems with something they consume ever report it to the FDA. This balloons the almost 10,000 complaints they once had to around a million. However, the FDA has a record keeping problem [they never did respond to the certified letter from the webmaster of this site - a major victim!] and they tend to discourage or even misdirect complaints, at least on aspartame. The fact remains, though, that MOST victims don’t have a clue that aspartame may be the cause of their many problems! Many reactions to aspartame were very serious including seizures and death. Those reactions included: abdominal pain, anxiety attacks, arthritis, asthma, asthmatic reactions, bloating, edema (fluid retention), blood sugar control problems (hypoglycemia or hyperglycemia), brain cancer (pre-approval studies in animals), breathing difficulties, burning eyes or throat, burning urination, chest pains, chronic cough, chronic fatigue, confusion, death, depression, diarrhea, dizziness, excessive, thirst or hunger, fatigue, feel unreal, flushing of face, hair loss (baldness), or thinning of hair, headaches/migraines, dizziness, hearing loss, heart palpitations, hives (urticaria), hypertension (high blood pressure), impotency and sexual problems, inability to concentrate, infection susceptibility, insomnia, irritability, itching, joint pains, laryngitis, marked personality changes, memory loss, menstrual problems or changes, muscle spasms, nausea or vomiting, numbness or tingling of extremities, other allergic reactions, panic attacks, phobias, poor memory, rapid heart beat, rashes, seizures and convulsions, slurring of speech, swallowing pain, tachycardia, tremors, tinnitus, vertigo, vision loss, weight gain.

Aspartame disease mimics symptoms or worsens the following diseases
fibromyalgia, arthritis, multiple sclerosis (MS), Parkinson’s disease, lupus, multiple chemical sensitivities (MCS), diabetes and diabetic complications, epilepsy, Alzheimer’s disease, birth defects, chronic fatigue syndrome, lymphoma, lyme disease, attention deficit disorder (ADD), panic disorder, depression and other psychological disorders

Read the Official FDA document of 92 symptoms:

How it happens
Methanol, from aspartame, is released in the small intestine when the methyl group of aspartame encounters the enzyme chymotrypsin (Stegink 1984, page 143). Free methanol begins to form in liquid aspartame-containing products at temperatures above 86 degrees F.. also within the human body.

The methanol is then converted to formaldehyde. The formaldehyde converts to formic acid, ant sting poison. Toxic formic acid is used as an activator to strip epoxy and urethane coatings. Imagine what it does to your tissues!

Phenylalanine and aspartic acid, 90% of aspartame, are amino acids normally used in synthesis of protoplasm when supplied by the foods we eat. But when unaccompanied by other amino acids we use [there are 20], they are neurotoxic.

That is why a warning for Phenylketonurics is found on EQUAL and other aspartame products. Phenylketenurics are 2% of the population with extreme sensitivity to this chemical unless it’s present in food. It gets you too, causing brain disorders and birth defects! Finally, the phenyalanine breaks down into DKP, a brain tumor agent.

In other words: Aspartame converts to dangerous byproducts that have no natural countermeasures. A dieter’s empty stomach accelerates these conversions and amplifies the damage. Components of aspartame go straight to the brain, damage that causes headaches, mental confusion, seizures and faulty balance. Lab rats and other test animals died of brain tumors.

Despite the claims of Monsanto and bedfellows:
*Methanol from alcohol and juices does not get converted to formaldehyde to any significant extent. There is very strong evidence to confirm this fact for alcoholic beverages and fairly strong evidence for juices.
*Formaldehyde obtained from methanol is very toxic in “very small” doses as seen by recent research.
*Aspartame causes chronic toxicity reactions/damage due to the methanol to formaldehyde and other break down products despite what is claimed otherwise by the very short, industry-funded experiments using a test substance that is chemically different and absorbed differently than what is available to the general public. “Strangely enough”, almost all independent studies show that aspartame can cause health problems.
*A common ploy from Monsanto is to claim that aspartame is “safe” yet a few select people may have “allergic” reactions to it. This is typical Monsanto nonsense, of course. Their own research shows that it does not cause “allergic” reactions. It is there way of trying to minimize and hide the huge numbers of toxicity reactions and damage that people are experiencing from the long-term use of aspartame.
Given the following points, it is definitely premature for researchers to discount the role of methanol in aspartame side effects:

*The amount of methanol ingested from aspartame is unprecedented in human history. Methanol from fruit juice ingestion does not even approach the quantity of methanol ingested from aspartame, especially in persons who ingest one to three liters (or more) of diet beverages every day. Unlike methanol from aspartame, methanol from natural products is probably not absorbed or converted to its toxic metabolites in significant amounts as discussed earlier.
*Lack of laboratory-detectable changes in plasma formic acid and formaldehyde levels do not preclude damage being caused by these toxic metabolites. Laboratory-detectable changes in formate levels are often not found in short exposures to methanol.
*Aspartame-containing products often provide little or no nutrients which may protect against chronic methanol poisoning and are often consumed in between meals. Persons who ingest aspartame-containing products are often dieting and more likely to have nutritional deficiencies than persons who take the time to make fresh juices.
*Persons with certain health conditions or on certain drugs may be much more susceptible to chronic methanol poisoning.
*Chronic diseases and side effects from slow poisons often build silently over a long period of time. Many chronic diseases which seem to appear suddenly have actually been building in the body over many years.
*An increasing body of research is showing that many people are highly sensitive to low doses of formaldehyde in the environment. Environmental exposure to formaldehyde and ingestion of methanol (which converts to formaldehyde) from aspartame likely has a cumulative deleterious effect.
*Formic acid has been shown to slowly accumulate in various parts of the body. Formic acid has been shown to inhibit oxygen metabolism.
*The are a very large and growing number of persons are experiencing chronic health problems similar to the side effects of chronic methanol poisoning when ingesting aspartame-containing products for a significant length of time. This includes many cases of eye damage similar to the type of eye damage seen in methanol poisoning cases.
Toxicity Effects of Aspartame Use Selection of Health Effects from Short-term and/or Long-Term Use Note: It often takes at least 60 days without any aspartame NutraSweet to see a significant improvement. Check all labels very carefully (including vitamins and pharmaceuticals). Look for the word “aspartame” on the label and avoid it. (Also, it is a good idea to avoid “acesulfame-k” or “sunette.”) Finally, avoid getting nutrition information from junk food industry PR organizations such as IFIC or organizations that accept large sums of money from the junk and chemical food industry such as the American Dietetic Association.

If you are a user of any products with aspartame, and you have physical, visual, mental problems… take the 60-day no aspartame test. If, after two months with no aspartame your symptoms are either gone, or are much less severe, please get involved to get this neurotoxin off the market. Write a letter to the FDA, with a copy to Betty Martini (for proof of how the FDA doesn’t keep proper records). Write your congressmen. Return products containing aspartame to the point of purchase - for a FULL refund. Make a big stink if they WON’T give you a full refund! Tell all your friends and family… and if they stop using aspartame and also “wake up well”… get them involved in the same way.

Aspartame is an “approved sweetener” because of a few greedy and dishonest people who place profits above human life and well-being. With the FDA and our Congress culpable, only an INFORMED and ACTIVE public will affects its reclassification from “food additive” to TOXIC DRUG, and removed from the human food chain.

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